


Bean and the Golden Egg

by scareoset



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Prompt Fic, Swearing, scareoset - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-13 17:54:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29157744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scareoset/pseuds/scareoset
Summary: Bean, Merry, and Yaz are on vacation after a long quest full of mishaps. Bean is hoping for a relaxing break from work (and the curse of the Old Man of the Pond) but finds a large golden egg. She doesn't want to deal with this, but there aren't any other heroes in the area and the egg is starting to hatch...
Comments: 1
Kudos: 1





	Bean and the Golden Egg

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this as part of an exercise with some friends. we all chose prompts and genres. this story was action/adventure and the prompt was "A massive egg has appeared in the village square and cracks are forming."

_ “Three cups and the gosling’s cry _

_ at half past ten you shall die!” _

– The Old Man of the Pond

I walked out onto my balcony to sip at my coffee but I found myself staring at a large golden egg. “Well, that’s new. I’ll wake the others.” I sighed and turned around. Someone had to deal with it and I was pretty sure that my friends and I were the most capable team nearby. Rousing them was easier said than done. Merry was a heavy sleeper who, rather than the normal back/side/stomach positions, viewed sleep as a chance to practice their contortion. I don’t know how they managed to feel comfortable with their arms twisted and mangled like that, nor do I ever want to. After some unsuccessful prodding, I yanked the covers off of the bed.

“You sonofabitch! I’ll gut you!” Merry yelled and drew a knife from gods know where. 

“Merry. It’s just me.”

“Oh. Fuck you.” They sheathed the knife. “What did you do that for?”

“Egg.” I gestured with my cup to the window behind me and raised my eyebrow.

Merry groaned and stretched. “It’s too early to start saving the day. Let me freshen up first.” They walked past me to the sink, snatched my coffee from my hand, and gulped the rest of the mug. “That’s still hot.”

“Damnit, Merry this is expensive out here!” They waved my complaint aside and scratched their back.

“I could use another, why don’t you get us some more?” Before I could chew them out, Merry dunked their head into the basin of water to wash up. I sighed and went to find Yaz. 

She was sitting on the bed doing her morning breathing exercises with her back straight. “What do you want, Bean?” 

“There’s this egg–“

“You promised me we were taking a break.” 

“Yes, but–“

“It’s been two days.”

“I know Yaz–“

“You are going to owe me big time.”

“Great thank you. I’m gonna grab us some more coffee. Do you want any?”

“No, thank you Bean. You know I don’t like how it puts me on edge.”

“Just checking. See you in ten downstairs.” Yaz was easier to talk to than Merry, but she made even casual conversation feel like I was disappointing her. 

Downstairs, I ordered two more coffees and paid with some silver coins.  _ Next time, we’re going to a place  _ **_much_ ** _ closer to a port _ , I promised myself. Coffee was a treat and I had been looking forward to this cup for a while, ever since that incident with the Bastard Prince. Sometimes your missions are really shitty and you need a pick me up. And sometimes it takes months for you to get the chance for one. Because of a shitty sea captain, a monster, and Merry’s endless shenanigans. 

My coffee was cool enough to drink when Yaz came down. “Have you looked at this egg yet?” She took a seat next to me. 

“Not yet, I was trying to enjoy my drink since Merry stole my last cup.”

“Should we wait for them?”

“Probably. You know that you can relax, right?”

“I am perfectly relaxed.”

“Your back is so straight.”

“I am relaxed, Bean.” Her eyes flashed and I dropped it. “May I have a sip, please?” 

“Gods, Yaz. You just said that you didn’t want any!” I slid the cup over to her.

“I changed my mind.” She gave me a rare smirk. It vanished when she drank. “Blegh! Bean, this is so bitter!” 

I sighed. “Yeah, Yaz. It’s coffee.” I sipped some more and smiled into the mug. 

“I keep forgetting how bad it tastes because you won’t stop talking about how  _ good _ you think it is.” She sniffed indignantly and turned her head away from me. 

“When do you think Merry’s coming down?”

“Did you call for me?” Merry leapt down the stairs and landed in the center of the room with a large grin on their face.

I sighed again. “Merry, were you waiting for someone to say your name for that entrance?”

“Nah, definitely not. Yaz, how’d you forget about how much you hate the taste of coffee?” They grabbed their mug and finished it in a single gulp. Again. 

“Bean keeps talking about how much she likes it and I was curious!”

“Merry. Yaz. Egg time.” I walked to the door without waiting for them to follow. The golden egg was massive, about one story tall, and there was a tapping sound coming from inside. “Uh oh.” I looked over my shoulder. “Guys?”

“Hey there’s something inside!” Merry seemed more excited than concerned.

“And it wants to come out.” Yaz understood my concern, at least.

“Do we know of anything that lays big, golden eggs?” Yaz shook her head. A crack started to web its way across the shell.

“Do you think that’s real gold?” Merry stepped forward and reached out their hand.

“Merry!” I hissed. “No touching, remember?”

“Oh, right. Kill first, loot later.” They pulled out their knife again.

I sighed. Today might be my new record for exasperated noises. Something broke through the crack in the shell. It was bright orange. “Wait a second.”

“Do you know what this is?” Yaz looked at me as she prepared a spell.

“If this is another goose, I swear to–“ A massive baby goose burst from the egg and gave a feeble honk.

“Hey, Bean! It’s a goose! Remember that curse that the Old Man of the Pond laid on you?” Merry was enjoying this too much.

“Shit. Yes, Merry. I do remember that curse now. Thank you. Fuck that wizard.” I reached into my cloak for my wand. I wasn’t going to let him be right. “Yaz, do you have the time?”

“I hear the bells from the tower.” She counted on her fingers. “A quarter past ten. When did he say you would die?”

“I’m not going to die.” I grit my teeth.

“I think she’s got fifteen minutes, Yaz.” Merry smiled at me when I gave them my meanest glare.

The baby goose started to stumble around. It knocked its body against a small building and caved in the wall. It didn’t seem to notice, as it shook the rubble and debris off of its back and struggled to walk around the village square. It honked a few more times and took out a pop up vendor stall. “We have to stop it before anyone else gets hurt, right?” Merry looked at me. Yaz did too, which made me double take.

“It’s your curse.” She shrugged.

“Yeah. I’ve got it though.” I raised my wand and muttered the words to a powerful spell. Red energy started glowing at the tip of my wand and a warm wind rushed around me. “I fucking hate geese.” I released the spell and a thick bold of red and white energy leapt from my wand. It crackled as it made its way towards the baby goose. Fortunately, the goose wasn’t warded. I should have checked before I started attacking. My spell hit the goose and went clean through its chest. It collapsed and rolled over. Dead. “The Old Man of the Pond was wrong about this one.”

“What if he meant another baby goose?”

“Merry. Not helping. The goose is dead and I survived.” I turned on my heels and stomped my way into the inn we were staying at. The others followed me back in. We ordered breakfast – I had a large omelette because I was feeling spiteful – and prepared ourselves for an uneventful vacation. 

“I’m going to spend the rest of our vacation relaxing at the bath house.” Yaz looked off wistfully. 

“That sounds boring! I’m gonna be–“ Merry looked around conspiratorially before leaning in close to whisper, “–picking pockets and drinking ale.” They flashed a devilish smile.

I slapped the back of their head “No more trouble with the law.” 

I continued eating the egg and Merry stomped on my foot under the table. “Ow!” I exclaimed as I jumped in my seat. 

“I told you about touching me!” Merry looked like their ego was hurt more than their head. 

“Remember, no–“ I coughed a little. “No stealing.” I coughed some more and my eyes watered. 

“Are you good?” Yaz looked over to me.

“Just…down the… wrong pipe.” I managed to choke out.

Merry passed me a water-skin and I gulped greedily. 

“Oh no!” Yaz paled. “That’s the bell! It’s half past ten!” 

I choked on the water. “Damn it, the goose thing was less embarrassing than this” was what I wanted to say but all that came out was, “Damn…goose…embarrassing…”

“Yeah, it certainly is embarrassing, Bean.” Merry was laughing a little. I think I passed out around then.

* * *

I woke up with Yaz and someone in healer’s robes standing over me. “Oh, thank the gods!” Yaz smiled as I blinked up at her. “You’ll have to forgive me, but I am adding this to your tab.”

Oh. The tab. “Really?  _ That's _ how I died this time?” I groaned. I couldn’t have even gone down in battle against that stupid fucking goose. “I hate the Old Man of the Pond so much, Yaz.”

She smiled. “I know, Bean. You mention it a lot. Now get up, you've got to pay me back some day and that’s not going to happen if you’re on the ground.” She thanked the healer and helped me to my feet. 

“How many of these curses have we been through?” I was honestly losing track of the details at this point. 

“I think this marks the eleventh one.”

“At least we’re almost through them. Are the remaining ones bad?” Yaz gave me a funny look. “Never mind. They’re all embarrassing goose ones, which is bad.” I climbed the stairs and threw myself face first onto the mattress. “Fuck the Old Man of the Pond,” I mumbled into the bedding. Then I rolled over and took a nap. I was going to try to enjoy the rest of my vacation. 

  
  



End file.
